Dr. Seuss and Judicial Pay - Judicial Dough-Jam
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Defending criminals is better pay,
I rather do that any day.
I do not like your judicial pay,
You should have treated me like Rachael Ray!
Come rain or shine, you'll always know,
I left the bench to get more dough!
There are two items getting my attention today. Both are about poetic justice. The first is about an inmate who filed a federal lawsuit, and then attached an egg to show his discontent with the food being served in federal prison. In response Magistrate Muirhead of Concord, New Hampshire ordered:
"No fan I am of the egg at hand,"
"I do not like eggs in the file. I do not like eggs any style."
In the end Muirhead ordered the egg destroyed.
"Today! Today!" he demanded. "Today I say! Without delay!"
I really enjoy reading opinions of judges who use rhymes. Judge Streit from Iowa uses one-liners as an opening for his written opinions. He's one of my favorites. The second item has to do with the pay federal judges are not getting.
Federal judges are in the news concerning their pay, which we can't say is low but we can say it's lower than it should be for what they do and the number of hours they work. Judge Paul Cassell resigned saying with three kids heading to college he could make more money at S.J. Quinney College of Law at the University of Utah. He also has accepted an offer from the National Crime Victim Law Institute to litigate crime victims' cases across the country on its behalf. This guy is the equivalent to a legal rock star. He is a very admirable legal scholar.
Cassell, who has served on the federal bench for only five years, has one of those impossibly pristine resumes. Stanford undergrad '81, Stanford Law '84, president, Stanford Law Review; clerk for Scalia on the D.C. Circuit, clerk for Justice Burger on the Supremes (sic); DOJ from 1986 through 1991, and then a professor for 10 years at Utah Law before assuming the bench in 2002.
Maybe before leaving the bench Cassell could write a poem and if he did it might sound something like this:
JUDICIAL DOUGH-JAM
I'm sitting on the federal Bench,
feeling a like an arrested wench.
Larry, Mo and Curly; and sometimes Shemp,
Were treated better than the federal bench!
I do not like my judicial pay.
I do not like it any day.
Its low, it's low
I need more dough!
Stop treating me like Curly, Larry or Mo!
No fan I am,
of spam or lamb,
I do not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not eat green eggs and ham,
not even with a little jam.
I paid a bunch to attend Stanford Law,
and they taught us how to walk right out the door!
I clerked for Scalia,
and Burger too,
Is Scalia really five feet two?
Yes, I learned about that at Stanford Law,
and how to say, "More! More! More"!
I took an oath, and gave a promise,
How come this pay feels like a financial harness?
I like this job, it's what I do best,
So why are we in this financial mess?
I have three kids, who need finer digs;
Financially you treat us like a sounder of pigs!
I'll say it again, just in case you've not heard,
I want to be treated like Larry Bird!
Our pay is too low, and I must go,
to a place where I'm paid
a lot more dough.
Defending criminals is better pay,
I rather do that any day.
I do not like your judicial pay,
you should have treated me like Rachael Ray!
Come rain or shine, you'll always know,
I left the bench to get more dough!
I do not like green eggs and ham,
not even with judicial dough-jam!
I'm leaving, I'm going, and I'm out the door,
to the State of Utah and Quinney College of Law!